Reckoning Day

Well. I find out... in about 5 hours if C. gets his visa. Could be a good thing, could be a bad thing. Who knows. I don't have much emotion about it just yet. Just been on edge the last few days. It sucks like hell. I wish I could curl in a ball, and dissappear from the earth. I feel so much sadness and despair in my life. Does everyone really think that I chose this? My family seems to. They think I chose to be depressed. I choose to let my anxiety get the best of me. They I like fearing to go outside... to meet strangers. That I fear going to the store alone. THat I fear the looks people give me. I fear to say something wrong. I fear everyone hates me. I fear I could be raped. I fear my daughter could be molested. I feel so stressed. Would anyone really choose this? I know I certainly would not. I have not. I wish I could just life over, knowing the things I know now, but not having to experience them. Oh well. Life is not fair. The rich keep getting richer, and the poor poorer. Not because the poor don't want better, but because they don't know how to work the system. Its not.. who you are, it is who you know. :)

Well.. wish me luck.. and if you don't hear from me.. I'm either extremely happy or in the looney bin.. :)

Funny thing,
Don't you see,
Funny thing,
This thing called me.

I've lived my life,
through all the hell.
I've lived my life,
with my story to tell.

It's not that bad,
I've seen worse,
I could be dead,
taken away in a hearse.

Now I lay me down to sleep
Close your eyes,
don't make a peep.

Life would be better,
if you would only sleep..

Sleep it off,
Drift away,
Close your eyes baby,
It's okay.