Wednesday, February 09, 2005

Blah

Yes.. I'm bitching again. My first letter from PENNDOT.. stupid fuckers...
Now I have to call and see if they need more info, because from the sounds of this letter they do. I'm so fucked off. The rent-a-car is about out of gas, and I've borrowed a shit load of money from Francis... Thank goodness, my refund check comes on Friday, otherwise, I think today would be a good day to blow my brains out.

Yes, every time I have a problem and can't cope, I wish I was dead. It's become a problem. I don't care if this is the fuckin' way life is, and I need to deal with it. Shit shouldn't be this way.

Children get molested, parents let it happen... and don't even get me started on the sick people that do it. Or Adults fucking babies... or even young children, fucking pediphiles should be shot in the fucking head, and put out of their sick fucking misery. Sick fuckers in this world. Whats worse, is that they don't understand that it is wrong. Yes... I'm bitter, .. It's scary. I fear one day, someone will touch my baby.. thing is... they won't live much longer after I find out, I'd kill them, no matter what I had to do, no matter the cost, even my own life. I'll never be like my mom in that way, and just let things slide, and act all normal. "Its ok if your uncle molested you, its normal- my dad did it to me.... ," I feel echoing in my head, in my mom's voice... although she'd never say those words.

FUCK HIM, FUCK HER, FUCK THE WORLD.

And yes.... for anyone that takes the time to realize, I should be almost at work by now, I'm showing up late. I have shit that needs to be done, and well, I'm at a loss, cuz I need to do it today. Why am I here typing this shit then? Cuz I'm taking some time for me, to help me deal, to help me cope, and think thru my current problem. Its working a bit, but I'm still enraged, and at the edge of tears, but I am trying to stay strong, and deal with this, and be an adult. But, my emotions are that of a child... I cry when things don't go they way they were intended.... perhaps one day, my emotions will mature, but for now, I just have to cope.

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