Migraines

They try to defeat me...
Its working, It makes me more depressed, sick to my stomache..
I wish I knew what is wrong with me. I AM trying to be more positive. I'm getting out, dating, hanging out with friends...

Though I can't say I'm behaving.. is that maybe what the problem is. I've decided I'm not ready for something serious, anything, and that is probably why I act like I do, because I've never been ready for something serious. Especially with someone who is ready to jump right in. I need someone to take things slow with me.. Someone to just hold me at nite. I don't have that yet, but that is what I'm looking for. I need someone to understand and be able to deal with my faults though, because I am very needy. I need someone to love me, for me.

I'm tired of messing around, and playing games. I'm tired of being hurt. I'm tired of the games people play. I won't play them anymore. If you are a guy, and you want sex, say so, upfront, the answer you get from the girl may be surprising. Only say you love them if you truely do want a relationship. And guys.. BEING NEEDY.. is a total turnoff.. to MOST girls.. and especially me. There is only room for one needy person in the relationship and thats me. I'm not saying that with selfishness, because when a guy is with me, he'll need nothing from me, I'll give him all he asks and more, but PLEASE... don't call me 12 times a day... . when you know I'm at work... or text message me stupid stuff.. like you miss me 10 times a day, its cool if you tell me once or twice, but have another reason to text me... for god's sake, since I get charged for each one.

So... what I'm really looking for.

1. Someone attractive (to me- not necessaryly to the whole world)- my needs change on this on a daily basis- there has to be that attractive urge when I meet you.

2. Someone intelligent, whether you are into computers, or math or english, or whatever, I need someone that I can have intelligent conversations with

3. Someone with a sense of humor, that I can laugh and be silly with, someone who likes my dirty jokes...

4. Someone who has motivation to do something with their life. If you have a plain boring 9-5 job, that pays minimum wage, let me put it bluntly, unless you have plans to do something better with your life, don't bother with me. I'm not impressed.

5. Someone who loves kids, and loves life. My daughter is my life, she makes me happy and needs positive influences in her life.

6. Someone who is open, both sexually and mentally, and who is easy to communicate with. If I ask you, "What are you thinking?" I really want an answer.... And when I say sexually, I'm not saying.. I want a threesome, I'm saying, I want to be open to new things in our bedroom.. I love sex, and I need someone to please me.

7. Someone who can take charges sometimes, but doesn't mind me being in charge sometimes. I need someone that is open to a happy medium...


This is all I can think of at the moment, but this list is subject to change...
as is my life.... my wants and my needs...