A point I forgot to make...

Was hanging out with David tonite... and .. we talked about my relationship problems...

He suggested, and I agree. I need a bf that is commited to me, but still open. Hence, some sort of agreement, about our relationship. Something like.. this...

If he's not around to pleasure me, he can't blame me for going somewhere else.. IE: phone sex with my guy friends and/or strangers.... (WHOEVER). If have phone sex, I'm pleased... it doesn't mean I love him less, it just means I sometimes need some help with my orgasm. but...

if he would just call, and help me himself, he wouldn't have to worry about it.

Someone asked me.. or told me rather, I shouldn't talk to other guys online at all, and if i was his girl (this other guy) he wouldn't like it. I told him my bf didn't, but that he said that he understood, because we have to have a life or such outside of each other. (though he thinks I talk to too many guys). Then.. this other guy .. was like.. "well I'm looking for the one..." I replied... " so am I." The guy was a bit confused as to why I would say that, but it is because I don't think John is the one. Not even close. I enjoy him, I love him, and he's great in bed, but neither of us is good at relationships, and he has no idea what he wants-- which is quite obvious... since he can't even bother to call. U'd think-- that he'd want to spend time with me while he can, but that doesn't seem to be the case. Normally, especially if this was T. I'd worry that he was ok, but with John.. I'm sure he's ok, I just feel like he's cheating on me. One reason why it won't work out, cuz I'll always feel like he did or will or wants to.

I hate that the men I have dated, don't have names in their life. Meaning... they say... if at all (Usually have to pull teeth to get them to tell me about their day)-- they don't say names. Just.. "oh- when to hang with my buddies." & "going to see my friend" .. well fuck you, I know you don't ask, but I always tell u who.. and usually almost always the name of the person I'm hanging out with. Is it so hard to give ur friends names??? I mean REALLY???