Wishful Thinking

Wish everyday was like this.
Not sure I'd like to work 9-5 though... mostly cuz I know weekdays are hell. Wish I could work Saturdays and get Sundays and Mondays off. I miss that schedule...

These are my stats, and I've just reached my AM break....

27 calls..
3:18- call time
0:00- after call
= excellent call time..
no after call, so my average call time today is 3:18....
oh.. and idle minutes.. :46 ( time spent waiting for a call)

I wonder if all Saturdays are like this
Wishing.. :)

Though I'd of rather been home in bed. Though... my bed is lonely... looks like it will be for a long time.


On other thoughts, I read all this info about being more suicidal when taking... different antidepressants... Paxil being one of them... The one I am on. It scares me, a few days last week, I was really on edge, and could of killed myself. I was actually making plans to buy a gun and off myself. I was homocidal too. I thought, since everyone thinks its so bad that I leave my daughter, and that that will fuck up her life, more than if I stayed around, and was a bad influence. I thought I should take her with me. I hate when I get those thoughts, and I can't stop them. I hate when my mind plays games with me. I hate it. I want to get better, whatever that means.... I want to have hope again.

Can anyone help me? Can I help me?