Saturday

A week from the day that I met CG. I honestly love and care for him with all my heart. I am scared though. I've found some things out about him, that were in his past, that are not things I normally tolerate. Does it make him less of a person? NO. It makes him more of a man, for being able to tell me these things knowing it may scare me away. He has so much more to tell me, I look forward to it... although, a bit scared also. I wonder what kind of bf he will be, what kind of husband and father. I wonder if we will get along in the long run. Things were kind of tense yesterday, before he left. I felt bad because he missed the bus, and wouldn't be home until late at nite, wasting what was left of his day off. He felt bad, and seemed upset about the whole thing. He didn't really talk about it too much. It was our own crazy fault though, running off in the middle of the nite, so we could talk and kiss and cuddle and make love. I think we were both feeling needy on Friday.

He sort of fulfilled my sexual fantasy... We made love, and in the middle, he went down on me... and then I pulled him up, so I could lick the taste of us from his mouth. The only thing that would of been better is if he had cum first. That, and the idea of that, makes me aroused.

I worry, again, because I got really upset with him yesterday. We were talking about our sexual partners, and I found out he had more than he originally said. Which
A. made me feel bad, about feeling bad about telling him my number, and not sharing it openly when we talked about it last weekend
B. made me think about, perspectives, and question why he didn't tell me the truth in the first place
C. made me wonder why he didn't tell me in the first place, and what else he mite not be being honest with me about
D. he said something to the effect.. "well it wasn't recently", making me feel bad about my fling with D., my friend, recently
E. made me wonder about the honesty of our communications about std's and how recently each of us had been tested
F. made me wonder if we really had a good level of communication and honesty in our relationship

I haven't heard from him. I'm trying not to worry, because we both had lack of sleep, and I'm sure he was tired, but... I keep thinking maybe he's mad at me for the whole thing, him missing the bus... and wasting the whole day with public transportation systems. The whole thing really sucks.

I have a job interview on Wednesday, with a staffing agency, closer to Norristown/Montgomery County... Not sure what to think about it, or what kind of jobs exactly they deal with. I advised her of my current job position, and my current salary, and told her that is what I was looking for. We will see. I think I'd prefer to do something, where I teach something, or where I'm constantly learning. I really want to spend more time at my job doing something more meaningful & interesting. Lately because I've been thinking of school, I've really thought of going to school for Elementary Education and psychology, instead of Architectural Design/Drafting with a minor in psychology. It would give me the power to help people, to teach and to learn, and the type of schedule that I'm looking for in the long run. We will see. I have other things to straighten out before I get back to school.