HATE or LOVE

I hate him, but I love him at the same time. I'm not talking about T., I'm talking about EPB. Yes I do love him, I always will, he was part of my life... part of helping me figure out what I really wanted in my life.

He just called. The conversation went like this...
I said " hi, how you doing?"
He said.. " I just called to tell you its over"
I said " what do you mean? what do you mean its over? Peter?"
He said... " Its over"
I said..." Peter, are you planning on doing something stupid?"
He said.. "no, hold on"
mumbled something. then clicked to the other line..
a few minutes later.. quite a bit later..
He got back on.. and said " Goodbye, Julie, Its over"
I said.." Peter, wait.. what do you mean"
He said " Goodbye" angrily I mite add.... and hung up.

My first thought.. was that he was going to try to kill myself. Its a typical scenario. I called his house.. got the voice mail and left a message.

I just called back.. and he said " what do you want?"
I said.." I want to make sure you are alright"
He said "yeah I'm alright.. (screaming) and you can go and fuck whoever you want, just leave me alone"
And I started to try and talk.. and he hung up.

I don't know what to think or feel... I really wish I did. I'm so sad, and scared for him. So sad that he can't deal with this. He's a good guy, and I wish him all the happiness... but.. he just doesn't see that we weren't good together. I partly feel bad, because while I was in the hospital I told him I would go thru couples therapy.... and I didnt'. I was falling too much for T. T. was satisfying my main needs at the time, and I turned to him. He made me happy.. and he still does. He knows how to soothe me.. how to make me laugh.

EPB.... I wish he knew that he was a good guy. I wish he did. He just really needs some therapy. He needs to learn to love himself. He needs to get away from those parents of his. He needs to find what he really wants to do with his life.

I still have this bad feeling, he mite try something, to hurt himself. I couldn't live with the thought if he did. I'm scared. I don't know what to do though.