My "NEW" Black Hair

I keep getting nice commments on it... with the exception of T. He said, he's not sure if he likes it, he'd have to see it person, and some comment also about the pinkness of my face, seems gone, and he liked that.

But... everyone has loved it at work (the ones that recognize me), and A. (he's the cutest sweeteest guy at work, well.. other than M, but... thats besides the point) A., is black... (of course-- something about that turns me on), married and has four kids. The first day of work, I prolly had drool on my chin. Since then, I've gotten to know him a bit more, and was chit chatting with him yesterday... He's like, wow, I really like your hair, it brings out the colour in your eyes (that is the compliment I get most) I just keep thinking.. um.. maybe cuz I am wearing eye makeup now.. but yesterday I toned the makeup down, and didn't look sooooo.. "GlamGoth".. per say. I guess his comment just helped me believe what the others were saying.
He seems like the perfect husband. He works hard.. (our job is NOT easy)... and on his breaks, he usually calls home .. (or I'm asssuming so-- thought it seems he could be a little pussy whipped)... Just seems like a really loving father.

So.. anyway... I tried to catch up with my friends blogs, Truth (who hasn't posted since I read last... in Sept). .. I've been in my own little world, since shorting before that... I don't know how I've got thru the last few months. I found out, that after my own friend moved to Seattle, his gf (that was in OK.) broke up just recently. He seemed ok about it... I think they both knew it was coming... but.. I feel so bad for her. She's such a nice girl, and she loves him very much, that she is heartbroken. I worry, about finding my happiness, and if I will ever really find a man that could truely love me. I want that more than anything. I'm tired of being alone, I'm tired of dating the wrong guys. I'm tired of men with commitment issues, Im tired of lazy men, or men 20 years older than me.. wanting me to give them a chance. I'm tired of men with girlfriends or wifes, wanting me to go out with them. I'm tired of always being put last. I'm really fucking tired of being alone. Thats not what i want... I want a best friend, a husband, someone that i know without a doubt that loves me.. and if I do have doubts, he puts his arms around me, reassures me, then we could make love and fall asleep in each others arms. This... man.. the man of my dreams, would have to be understanding, because I'm a bitch for one, but also cuz i tend to try and make things more complicated. He must also be able to put up with my mood swings, and my shortcomings... He must also be a good kisser, and be very open sexually.. and when I say this. I don't mean.. and "open" relationship.. I mean. he must be open to new ideas... in bed.. you know.. handcuffs, whips, chains... (lol)...etc... I need someone who has bit of excitemnet and adventure in their life, but also someone family orientated.

I really thought I had found that in T. Although thru my stupidity I should of realized that even though we talked since May, that you can't really figure that out in that short of a time. And as each day passes, I realize that all the thoughts I had on the are becoming less true.. But that is life, and I shall move on..

and triumph over the pain that broken heart has caused me.. and climb the ladder to my true success, despite all the broken rungs.

I think (though my sisters idea), that I went along with the whole "BLACK" hair thing, because it could give me a chance to see on the outside, what I'm feeling lately on the inside... and because... I think I still look cute.... It helps me tremendously in more than one way. I'm not just the cute girl with red hair (because that wasn't natural either), now I'm the cute girl with black hair, that wears too much makeup, but has beautiful eyes...

My eyes, most possibly could be.. the window to my soul.