Dude

I'm fucked off and freaked out at the same time.... Listen to this..

I lean over, to smell my new purple/grape candle, that I was burning tonite. I was also getting ready to blow it out. I lean over, my hair not even near the candle to my knowledge, and i see flames in front of my face. I pat my head and put the flames out, still in awe as to how that happened. So I smell this aweful stinking shit, and figure I'll still have to just trim the edge off my hair to fix it, and I go downstairs to take a look at the damage.

The ends are burnt just a bit, then i look in the mirror my eyelashes are fucked up, I burnt my eyelashes, the white hairs between my eyebrows.. and i look, and some of my hair is almost burnt to the root on top. Looks like shit. Sure.. It is just hair.. that is my philosophy..but...

I'm fucking lucky I didn't hurt myself more, and i don't quite get the eyelash thing, cuz.. well I have my glasses on. This is fucked up.. ya know? I'm a bit fucked over as to how it even happened.... but glad I didn't hurt my eyes or burn my skin or something.. but still.

.... on another note....

The fan club is getting bigger.. I feel I may have some real prospects, which is scary/exciting/... and frustrating at the same time. Miss T. of course... will that ever end. I wish he wanted me.. like I want him. I feel like I just need to get over him, because he's 37. .. yah know... if he was really looking to settle down.. he'd do so.... and besides... if he would stay with me if I was pregnant, but I'm not good enough to be with/make time with/ love... in general, whats the point.

Now I'm fucking crying... again. I was fine a few minutes ago. EVerything I think about dating.. I get so upset..cuz.. I just want him.

I'm going to bed now, before I get fucked over more..and do/say... something I may regret in the future...

Just me and the smell of burnt hair.