Life

I'm not sick enough to be in the hospital,
I'm not well enough to function properly....
When i'm alone with my own thoughts... I cry and cry
I am happy and joyful, that the suicidal thoughts haven't been strong,
I have hope for once, but its starting to diminish....
I don't know where I'm heading anymore...

I'm at the point where I'm asking for help again..
and noone is listening...
or at least that is how I feel...

I need to go to the therapist tommorrow..
but i have no sitter...
My fear of phones comes back again...
afraid to call the regular sitter,
She doesn't like to babysit on Saturdays...
plus.. its short notice...