Shit Sucks

Migraines... Depression... Loneliness..
Does it ever fucking end?
Only I guess when I die...

I don't get this fucking shit... they (my insurance company, EAP, or whatever the fuck..) try to get me an appointment, and don't bother fucking asking what time I need an appt. They know I got a fucking job, I'm the cardholder of the insurance policy.. and I have to work for THE HARTFORD, to get the fucking policy.. so they refer me to someone whose only open when I'm at work, and on Saturdays... WTF.. I hate fucking stupid people. So I'm fucked off even more now. The lady was nice too.

I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm so one edge right now, I'd go jump off a bridge, but it would never work. I'd tell someone, or fuck it up or something. Then I'd be fucked even more, cuz I wouldn't be able to walk or talk, and work, then I'd be worse than when I started, then I'd be depressed more, cuz I was so fucked up. So then I'd try it again.

I know my thoughts are fucked up, I try not to act on them, but I don't know what else I'm supposed to do.

Noone loves me, everyone hates me.. mite as well go eat worms.

I don't feel loved, and thats all I want more than anything. I want to be held, and loved. I have to like ask my daughter any more for kisses.. and hugs.. not that I blame her, If I were her, I wouldn't want to be around me either...

I hate myself and want to die....

but.. really.. all I really want.. is not that.. I want love and support. . from my friends and family. I want to know that someone cares about me. I waste my time caring for all these people that don't give a damn about me.... My family, my friends at work, crazy people I talk to on the phone at work... my crazy internet friends, T....., The only persons I know care, are Lisa, and maybe... Shannon.. and they really don't even understand how bad it is. I know Shannon definately doesn't.. mostly cuz i was doing ok, last I saw her.. but now I'm alone again...

and I can't be at peace with myself....