Another Nite

Depression, still with me. Wish I had something to record my thoughts. It would be so much better, I can't think of what I thought on the way home.

Those thoughts are back though. U know.. the suicidal ones. I've thought, maybe I can hire some one to kill me eventually, or I could just have a tragic car accident. I know its sick, I know I'm ill. But I just want out, ya know. Its not running away, I just don't see what life really has to offer.

Without someone to really love you (and I'm not talking my daughter here) what is the point? Really?

I think my heart is finally starting to realize that no matter what I say to T. that he will never truely give me his all. He will never do what it is I want, and I say it that way, cuz I feel that this is what I want, and he doesn't. And I know I can't make him be with me, and I've asked him, and have had no real response. The only thing he really says, is that he didn't dump me... (and he did), and that he is still there for me, (and he isn't). I think my heart is finally starting to realize I really have to move on.