Sadness

I've been feeling down all day. I'm overly cranky and bitchy. All I've done today is yell at Darian. I feel so lonely, so sad, so hopeless at this moment. I have faith this will pass, but I'm not sure how to deal with it. I feel like an idiot, I can't even figure out how to use a sewing machine. Here I am.. I can show you how to surf the internet, build a website, tell you how to change the oil in your car, paint you a picture, build a bookshelf, and am preparing to take the MENSA test, and I can't even figure out how to operate a fucking sewing machine.

I'm missing T. like crazy. I talk to other guys, on the phone and online, just as friends, though I flirt more than I did, when me and T. where together, and it all doesn't matter. I always think of him. I always miss him. I can't even masturbate without thinking of him. I was in bed a few minutes ago, pleasuring myself, and after I came... I started bawling... because of how much I miss him at this moment. Plus that didn't help my throbbing head, its been hurting alot this week. i need therapy.

I know one thing that I want in a relationship, though I've never really had it.. just a little romance... ya know.. flowers, a song, a poem.... a card.. something special on the holidays...

I'm so sad, I just want to me held. I want T. to be here and hold me. I miss him so much. Part of me just wants to sit and wait this out, and see how he feels, and see if he wants to get back together, and the other part of me.. just wants to let go, and move on, so he'll never get the chance to hurt me. I do want to be with him though. I know he's not perfect, nor am I ... but being with him, makes me want to be a better person. He makes me feel complete... special, and loved. When he's with me, I have no doubt on his love.. no doubt. I just wish I could be part of his life. I wish I could say something to him that would make a difference on him thinking that we should be broke up.