Sinking In

Finally starting to sink in. It hurts more. I don't understand how he could just give up on us. Part of me just wants to call his house obsessively and leave messages but I won't. Although, I've sent him 2 or 3 emails and offline messages.

I've felt so sad, going to that bed, that we shared together, and laying there, knowing, that we'll never be there together again. Knowing he will never be in my arms. Knowing I'll never get to hear him laugh when I tickle him. I'll never have him look into my eyes like he does, or the way he strokes my hair. I'll never see him sleeping again. I'll never see him undressing, he'll never undress me, and I'll never feel his hands on my body again. Soft, and caring, yet firm. We'll never make out in the shower again. I'll never have him to wash my back again. I'll get a chance to get him to relax and take a bubble bath with me. I'll never get to cook for him. NEVER.

It hurts so bad. My best friend is gone. My lover is gone. My confidant is gone. The one person that could always cheer me up is gone. The person that could always get me to laugh is gone. Everything, that keep me happy, and gave me hope, is gone. I feel so sad, so empty. So alone. I don't want it to end, but I have to realize that it has.