He broke up with me, even after last week, he said that I didn't give him a chance. I tried. This is what he sent me today, not even able to tell me over the phone, feels kind of cold, but I should of expected it.
Here it is:
Dearest,
I've been thinking about this all day. I love you, very much so actually, but
I don't think we should see each other anymore. I not mad about what happened,
nor am I mad at you. I just realize that I can't give you want, at least not
right now. Maybe it was wrong for to get into a relationship right now, maybe
I wanted to much too soon, but as much as I tried to make this work, as much as
I really wanted this happen, I can't give you what you want. I was going to
write something about how “I deserve better”, and “I can't believe you treated
me this way” blah blah blah, but the bottom line is you told me, warned me in
fact, about what you were about, and what you were capable of. I can't blame
you for being yourself, for being true to who you are, and I realize that I
need to start owning up to who I am.
You didn't ask for the impossible, you asked to included, which I failed at,
and I'm sorry.
Things are only going to get busier for me, the band is only going to get
busier, work is only going to get busier, and ultimately, even if it they
didn't I would find something to fill up my life, because I need to be filled,
I need the distractions, I need the diversions, they allow me to run from the
things that bum me out. Were you a diversion?, a distraction?, I don't think
so, but the only way I can give you what you want is to move you to MD, and I
can't afford that right now, I will be able to, its in the 5 year plan, but I
can't right now.
Maybe when that happens, we can start over.
Please accept my apologies, I never meant to hurt you, or to piss you off.
...and kiss Dare for me
T.
I want to write more about it, and say how I feel, but right now it hurts and I just need a distraction, So I'm heading to West Chester to hang out with a friend for a while. It's so hard, cuz I loved him so much, I still love him and always will, I really thought.. that I had found the man, that I could live with the rest of my life, I really felt so good in his arms, so safe, so loved. For the first time in my life I didn't feel guilty after having sex. I lost my best friend.
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1 comment:
I got your url after u left a msg on my blog (unsettled).
When i read this...my heart just broke because I felt like it was written to me, its not too far fetched from what my bf will probably write to me or say. Im guessing u had a long distance relationship & I'm really sorry for ur loss. Its so hard to let go of something that means so much to u. I wish u all the best...i dont know...its going to be hard. We'll talk later...maybe that'll give some comfort, who knows. Take care.
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