More thoughts, from me.. Psycho girl

Random thoughts, betray my head.

Do I believe I'm nucking futs? MAYBE!

Talked with T. last nite. It was nice to hear him. We really didn't "talk" about much, but he's supposed to call tonite.

They one thing that we did talk about, is that he gave his friends my screen name, and they read my blog, and now.. (though I can't speak for them) they think I'm nucking futs, to put it nicely. :) (not its not a true typo) So they read my blog, and from what he told me, they said that he should break up with me. T. thinks its funny. I don't. I'm not sure what I really think, other than the fact that I'm not comfortable with them reading it. Now they have a preconceived notion, on who I am, and what I'm about. I don't know if I'll be able to be comfortable with them now.

So now comes the debate... Do I keep my blog public ( T. made this point to me.. yes it is public for all to see, but I can move it, change it.. or make it private--to members only) I tried to make the point back to him, that if he didn't give them my screen name, its not like they would just run into it. But sure, with keyword joulesofaffection you can find out alot about me. I would like all my friends.. (or readers to give me an opinion on this) Either way.. something will change about my site in the next few days though.

The thing is.. other than what I stated previously... I am not sure why I care so much that they read it, and have access to it. Other than they have a preconceived notion of me. (that I'm not good enough, or what T. needs .. or something like that-- like I said.. I really can't speak for them) BUT if i were to randomly read my own blog-being a stranger-- I would think I was fucking nuts. The thing here.. is I post here with no inhibitions, because I know the people that read, love me.. and won't judge me on the fact that my emotions are so fucked up I can't always control them. (although, I'm working on that, and getting better)

I could be a real psycho easily, but fortunately, I have morals. Plus my daughter keeps me in line. The thing is... I don't want to stress T. out. I love him, he's an awesome guy. I just don't understand why.. he wants to deal with me. I don't even want to deal with myself sometimes. I just want to hide.. and never come out.