My heart..

My heart feels so alone,
and broken.
How do I pick up the pieces,
and save a little token?

I cry,
so much, so hard,
I can't let you in,
I'm on my guard.

Please don't hurt,
Please, please don't.
I can't take it anymore,
I won't.

Shit, this hurts so bad,
My heart is feels
SO FUCKING SAD.

FUCK YOU, I say,
FUCK YOU, I pray,
One day, these thoughts will pass,
It will never be soon enough,
That day.

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There's another one of my quick lite poems.. or something like that. I really need to get like a mini digital recorder thingy, for my thoughts, when I'm away from home. They are much more interesting and intellectual. Then I can listen and blog them later. On my Xmas wish list. I'm feeling depressed since yesterday. I was doing ok today, till I started thinking of T.. Especially on my way home from work. It was raining, and I was bawling my eyes out. I keep thinking, YES.. this is for the best.. and trying to tell myself all the complications that could come, if we did get back together. I tried so hard to tell myself, its not worth the time and energy... BUT I WON'T BELIEVE IT. IT is.. I know it is... it has to be... I love him, he loves me... I want to understand, why its not worth fighting for, but.. anything.. good, is hard... anything easy.. isn't worth the time. Why won't he commit to me? WHY?? Am I that aweful? AM I that possessive? I was thinking.. ya know.. I don't give him enough space.. (i don't really understand that either--we never see each other) Am I sufficateing him? like I felt sufficated (fuck i can't spell) by EPB? If so, then we definately shouldn't be together, cuz that's not something you can just get over. I remember T... telling me a million and one times, he's needy, but I don't see it. I don't.